Stepping Heavenward

Would I be disapointed if the plane crashed into the sea?

I was wondering that to myself as my plane took off down the run way..heading back to Ireland from Belgium.

No. I decided. I wouldn’t mind. So long as the death was really fast.

Apart from my family and my beloved sweet cat, I don’t have anything else in Ireland to come home to. cry. (giggle)

The plane…didn’t crash. I’m still alive. And I will have to somehow survive again on memories of good times with friends.

Had a most brilliant time with the Van Calsters..I shall refrain from publishing the odd non brilliant issues.

The girls are the best…if you’ve never met them-talk to me. I’ll introduce you to them for a very low fare.

Naomi, as usual, kept us in an almost constant fit of laughter. How can somebody be so naturally funny crazy? It was so good to have another “Omi dose.” (Not over-dose)

Veerle…it was so good to hear her hilarious giggle. Tease her…and let Cornelius and the dog/lamb/creaure become friends.

I loved the talks at night. In the bedroom with the lamp and candles on….together the three of us would drink *tea…and talk…talk….about when we were smaller. The past, present, future. When you’re with friends and you’re all in the same point in your life then talking is simply wonderful. Together you can laugh at the hurts…and the confusing questions…and plan and dream.

I highly recommend it.

I know I’m crazy but the best parts of my time with them are so random. Like this morning…we sat in the car at the airport for about forty-five minutes or so. It was still dark outside and we didn’t want to go into the airport so we sat in the car.

Drawing on the windows.
Filming each other.
Taking photos.
Untangling Veerle’s hair which she had got caught in my brush.
Singing songs that were playing on the radio. (It is Phil Collins, by the way.)
Locking Thijs out of the car.

Other best things about the trip?

Buying chocolate. (Naturally)
Drinking wine and getting hyper. (NO. I was not drunk. Never have been. Never will be. So stop saying it!!)
Deep talks about life.
Dutch lessons. (ahem. *cough*)
Getting my ears pierced. (You’re right hon, but I have to blame somebody.)
*My somewhat pathetic attempts to learn to drink tea.

And how the little children woke up at 6:30 this morning to say goodbye. It was so sweet.

It hurts to be home.

But…boy…I still disolve into fits of laughter when I think over the past few days.

xXx

This sounds so depresticalistic….apologies. In a few days it’ll be okay again.

I cant blog properly…mind not in gear. But El….here’s an idea of what we’ve been up to. Come meet me at the airport when I get home?? Please??!!!

Number of:
Flights from Dublin to Brussels: 1

Car trips to Bertem: 1

Days in Belgium: 4

Skating trips: 1

Near death experiances while skating: 10,000

Photos taken: 30 odd

Late Nights: 4

Dutch lessons with a group of under 10 year olds: Numerous

Laughter at my Dutch: Too many count

Fights with Naomi: Half a dozen

Fights with Veerle: Half a dozen

Fights with Thijs: A couple. More to come

Slaps, kicks, and hair pulling by everyone: every five minutes

Texts from Ireland: 12 (send more!)

Blocks of Belgian chocolate bought: 4

Belgian waffles: 3 packets

Shopping trips: 1

Over-eating in cafe: 1

Ear peircings (forced into): Two. They look awful!!

Laughs: 500,000,000

First beers: 4 sips. Then stolen by Thijs and finished by him. (yes, I admit, it’s gross)

Glasses of wine: 1 (not doing too bad considering I dont drink, huh?!)

Cute young blind guys at Leuven bus stations: 1 (and I didnt even go and talk to him!!! )

Panic attacks over youth meeting tomorrow night: Constant.

Quotes

Veerle to Celeste: “You look like a mouse sometimes.”

Veerle at 1am “I’m going to take the lamp with me to the bathroom, coz it’s romantical.”

Thijs to girls: “Hairy barn-yard freaks.”

Naomi: “I can’t burp.”

Celeste to Veerle: “Do you need some help?”
Naomi to Celeste: “She needs psychological help.”

Veerle to Celeste: “You look and walk like a lady. I’m not like a lady.”

Thijs: “Life sucks. Why? Coz it’s meant to.”

The other night my friend and I were planning our weddings. Total madness, I know…but girls sometimes do that…I guess.

We picked out who would be our brides maids and flower girls.

And here I pick my dress– Made completely out of toilet paper.

I have decided that I will not to go into debt with my wedding.

I have started reading through the Psalms recently. Each day I read just a very little bit-a chapter or two-and then write down the verses that have especially stood out to me.

On Saturday I was reading Psalm 37.

“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him.”
“Rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him.”
“Do not fret, it only causes harm.”

These are the verses I wrote down in my diary, and underneath these I wrote all the things that have been on my mind…things I am worried or confused about. Things I am struggling with and things I am hurting over…

Sometimes these feelings seem to overwhelm me. They seem so big and I seem so little. Where are the answers? Where is God leading?

Waiting is so hard. It often seems to make no sense. Why doesn’t the Lord give us what we want right away? Why does He not answer our deepest questions?

Why instead does He sometimes just say…”Wait”?

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Today in church the sermon was about…yes…waiting on God. It was amazingly good timing…and we even read from Psalm thirty-seven.

Here are a few hurried little notes I made.

When God makes us wait, He is working in our lives. Sometimes we become so fixed on the end product-(what we expect to get, or to happen)- that we forget about the process God is leading us through in order to get there. One day we will look back and see all the things God accomplished in us when He was calling us to patiently wait on Him.

Waiting on God causes us to seek Him. It causes us to rely on Him and trust in Him. The whole waiting process can be an opportunity to draw closer to the heart of God.

“Help me commit my way to you, Lord. Walk with me. Lead me. Help me wait patiently on You.”

Called to Singleness … Today By Elizabeth.

I recently read a beautiful story in ‘When God Writes Your Love Story’ by Eric and Leslie Ludy. A thirty-something single young woman was asked by her little brother, “Do you think you are you called to singleness?” The woman thought about the question for a moment and then answered sweetly, “Today I am.”

All through my teen years my perpetual fear was that God would call me to singleness. Of course I was familiar - all too familiar! - with the idea that the call to singleness was a blessing and a gift from God, but in my opinion that was just an idea (circulated only by older married couples and dismissed by all right-thinking young singles). Absolutely.

Still … there was this haunting fear …

I’m twenty-three and it’s just dawned upon me that my ‘perpetual fear’ has been fulfilled - because God has called me to singleness. I am not, however, shaking like unset Jello with grief and despair. (As I would have imagined myself doing, had I known - eight years or so ago - that I would one day be typing this!)

Only God knows whether He’s planned for me to marry and when, if ever, I’ll meet ‘the right guy’ and walk up the aisle in a white dress and veil. But if He has planned for me to fall in love and marry, He’s planned for that to happen sometime in the future. Today God has called me … to singleness. Today.

So … I’ll still get starry-eyed when I watch a Jane Austen movie or see another girl’s wedding pictures or cuddle my baby cousins. But I’ll try and remember that today - which is, after all, the only time I have - I’m called to singleness. And if anyone asks me, “Hey, Elizabeth, do you think you’re called to singleness?” I’ll say sweetly, “Today I am.”

Visit Elizabeth’s blog

I had my last Braille class on Wednesday. I knew it was going to come up soon, but I didnt’t know when exactly. The lessons were funded by the NCBI, but now that the children have their own Braille teacher in school, our lessons are finished with.

When Robert arrived for the lesson he handed me a box of chocolates, which made me gulp. I didn’t want this to be the last lesson!

Sarah soon arrived and we chatted for awhile…both were saying they were going to protest and come back for Braille next week, but somehow I couldn’t see that happening. *smile*

“I don’t learn anything with the other Braille teacher,” Robert said, “We learn everything from you.”

“I’m going to cry if you don’t stop,” I told him. He smiled, but then got awfully quiet-unlike Robert. *sniff*

We started the lesson…but it was interrputed every five minutes when the kids started on again about how they want to come back again next week, or Sarah stole Robert’s Braille eraser, or we had a fun game of foot kicking going on under the table.

At the end there was a mad rush as they tried to Braille out their phone numbers (”Do you have to put the number sign in front of every number, Celeste?”) and addresses for me to keep, so we wouldn’t loose touch. They printed out one each for me, and then started working on others for each other. It was so cute. So sweet. So sad.

Once we stood up, and I packed up my things, Robert guessed the approximate place where I stood and gave me a wild hug, which nearly killed us both.

Once we were down stairs they told me to come and stand in-between the automatic sliding doors at the front, “For memory’s sake, Celeste! Come on!” So the kids sat down very still, and I stood close to them and waited for both doors to slide shut. Then they jumped up and heard the doors slide open again. Such fun!

Once outside, they both tried to hug me again, and succeeded in cracking their heads together. “I have a feeling we might see more of you in the future,” Sarah’s mother told me.

“I hope so!” I said brightly, hoping they she couldn’t notice my wet eyes in the dark.

“So do I.” she said.

The kids jumped into the car and shouted out, “Goodbye, Celeste! Goodbye! Goodbye!”

They left. I cried.

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On a brighter note, I finally went for my theory test–and passed. Last night my sister was helping me study. Was mad. We both got all the questions wrong and had a grand time agreeing that the book was wrong. We then gave up and timed each other to see how long we could hold our breath. Interesting. Thursday night excitment in the McGrath household.

We have a on-going war at home over who is better….men or women. Here I rest my case.

As a child I can remember disliking this old hymn. It was too slow and too boring, in my opinion. In fact, I disliked this hymn almost as much as “The Old Rugged Cross” and “Rock of Ages”. There was just something so dreadfully yawn-producing about it.

Fast forward quite a few years and one day, not long ago, I was leafing through an old hymn book and found “Be Still My Soul.” I looked at the notes and discovered it was a pretty easy song to learn on the piano. (Songs have to be extrememly basic for me to play…my amazing skills are limited to banging off-tune chords with two fingers.)
After awhile, I began to actually look at the words in the song, and I realised how pretty they were. This was when my old dislike of the song slowly began to disapear.

This afternoon again, I was reading them. I have been feeling so weird and confused the last two weeks over something and when I read these words today…they really touched me. I had sung this song a million times before, and yet never had really taken the time to listen to the words….

_____________________________

Be Still My Soul
~~~~~~~~~~

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.